Self Image.

In today's society self image plays a major role. The thousands of magazines, posters, pictures, films and videos always have actors/models with bodies that are 'perfectly toned', 'beautiful skin', 'wonderful hair and makeup' and everything else in between. All of which have been enhanced with photoshop so no wonder it is not a reachable goal for the normal soul. Due to how they are portrayed to people in today's society, its understandable for others to bully and comment on other peoples appearances.

Everyone looks different, even identical twins have certain characteristics that are different. People are so obsessed with looking a certain way. Cosmetic surgery is now a hip thing to be a part of whether it is liposuction, face lift or Botox. There are so many people going under the knife to maintain or fix their issues that they have with the way that they look. There are so many people doing fad diets, starving, with eating disorders because of how self conscious and unhappy they are with how they look and how others think of the way they look. I even remember watching a programme where a 12 year old girl in America wanted to get liposuction. I also hate how teenagers or even younger than that are brought up to have make-overs. When I was their age I didn't care that much. Now there is so much pressure for young girls to look perfect at school, with hair, clothing and makeup being pristine. 

I watched a video of a girl who made a video of showing what she thought with playing cards over some music. She apparently committed suicide three days after making the video because of being bullied of the way she looked. Committing suicide hurts those who are left behind, those who will miss you, those who need you. Battling through the emptiness in life, the unwanted images and thoughts that plagued the mind, the name calling and bullying is the only way in making yourself stronger. I have battled and do battle with suicidal thoughts. In my dire times of severe depression the suicidal thoughts were incredibly strong and I would have to walk away from the possible methods of death. People who commit suicide may feel that nothing can be fixed, that everything is going wrong, that life is not worth living, that you are worthless and unwanted. This is not true. You are always wanted. You are not worthless. You are needed. Dying is not the end of suffering especially for those that surrounded by the victim. Letting yourself succumb to these thoughts and killing yourself may end your life but leaves the people around you sad and empty. There are always other ways in overcoming issues and problems. 

Why do people care so much about the way that they look?

If you feel good about the way that you look, the clothes that you have on, the way your hair is styled, you do feel happy walking down the street. Feeling like you don't have a care in the world and happy being you. Shops make a bomb with the amount of people that buy their clothing, accessories, shoes and makeup. The tools in dressing individuals in the way they want to be perceived by others matters so much in boosting self confidence. Unfortunately, trolls have sprouted with their cruel comments all the time about the way people look or what they wear. No wonder so many people have issues with they way they look because of the images of 'the perfect body' that we are surrounded by. People strive to have look like it and get depressed because they can't. 

I have so many issues with the way I look. I hate the many images on the internet, the posters dotted around, the woman that are discussed and how much it affects the perception of others. There was a time where I did like the way I looked. It didn't last long at all. I hate how I compare myself to others or wishing I looked differently because I don't like the way I look. I should be happy with the way that I am, but I can't. My hair is not the colour I want it too, I could lose a few pounds, I want to actually have muscles that help carry things, I want to get back in shape, I wish my skin wasn't so temperamental. The comparisons with others always plague me. The paranoia that comes attached to my anxiety disorder is a bane in my life. Another vehicle of enabling comparisons with others and worrying about what they think about me, even if they don't know me or care. I want to be happy with the way that I look. I need to sort out me non-existant self esteem. I can't seem to be able to take compliments. Rather frustrating.

Currently I am trying to surround myself with people who lift me up, make me feel good about myself just the way I am. Curating my social media accounts in order to make me feel empowered and happy just the way I am.

One day I hope to be truly happy with who I am.